maylands - the hammer n tongs drunkard
i never saw the hammer n tongs drunkard with my own eye, but from my time as a can and bottle man, i definately know that in the house behind tom's house lived a drunkard who only drank hammer and tongs.
for those unfamiliar with perth liquor, hammer n tongs is the generic brand of beer you get at Liquorland, and is the cheapest you can buy, coming in three different colours: gold, ruby and emerald. the gold cans, technically yellow, are the weakest and the cheapest, and for a long time you could by a case of 30 for $30. Now due to the barbarities of Putin, Trump and Netinyahu, the price of gold hammer and tongs has risen by 50%.
every recycling day, i would open the drunkard's bin and find at least four cases of gold hammer and tongs, the empty cans carefully tesselated into their original boxlike position. this made them easy to collect, but annoyingly, the h&t drunkard had a habit of smoking while drinking, and each can was filled with at least three cigarette butts. i would have to empty the boxes in my yard and one by one, try to shake the soggy fag-ends out the hole in the can, which always stunk up my hands with rancid swill.
after a while, i stopped bothering to remove the butts from the cans, taking them to the recycling centre as is, and i never got caught.
now when you drink a pepsi or ride in a wheelchair or fly in an aircraft whose aluminium components have served a previous life as beer cans, there is a very likely chance that a small proportion of the material contains DNA of the hammer and tongs drunkard.
TO THE NORTH: cool house
TO THE NORTH EAST: suicide flats
TO THE EAST: michael's house
TO THE SOUTH EAST: michael's house too
TO THE SOUTH: brad's house
TO THE SOUTHWEST: the gym
TO THE WEST: tom's house
TO THE NORTHWEST: shannon's house